My friends at the Me2 Revolution at Edelman turned me onto this cool blog about happiness.  The author, Gretchen Rubin, who is a former lawyer and Supreme Court clerk turned bestselling author, writes about her experiences test-driving every principle, tip, theory, and scientific study she can find on happiness, whether from Aristotle or St. Therese or Martin Seligman or Oprah.  

Gretchen’s right when she says that some people are part of our lives, whether we want them there or not.  But we can’t change anyone but ourselves, so what can we do about these infuriating folks?  Here are some of her tips for liking someone better – or disliking that person less:

1. Seek contact. You may feel like avoiding that person, but because of the psychological phenomenon known as the “mere exposure effect,” we tend to like people better the more we see them.

2. Do nice things for that person. “We prefer to see those to whom we do good than those who do good to us.”  La Rochefoucauld.

3. Give that person a brief touch. “Subliminal touching,” i.e., touching a person so unobtrusively that it’s not noticed, increases people’s sense of well-being and positive feelings.

4. Lighten up. Joke about whatever annoys you, and if you can manage it, laugh about it with that person, or poke fun at your own reaction. Nothing neutralizes bad feelings like a good laugh. This can be tough, however.

5. Act friendly. We think we act because of the way we feel, but often we feel because of the way we act. So act the way you want to feel. This is uncannily effective – just  try it.

6. Resist criticizing that person. When you voice your complaints, they assume solidity in your mind that’s hard to eliminate. When your thoughts remain unspoken, they can more easily be changed.

7. Remember happy shared experiences. Recalling good times elevates mood and will help warm your feelings.

8. Be grateful. Reflecting on reasons to feel grateful, instead of reasons to be angry or annoyed, will help change your view.

I’m adding Gretchen to my RSS reader and hope you will too!