We all get criticized at work, and if we’re lucky, our managers and co-workers might even offer it in a constructive way. At the beginning of my career, I didn’t do too well with criticism, no matter how nicely my boss prefaced it. I’d respond with anger and defensiveness, and sometimes I’d even deny responsibility completely. This approach held me back. A lot.
Over the years, though, I recognized that no one is perfect, and what separates the successful employees from the unsuccessful ones is how they cope with the information given, whether they’re able to use it objectively, and whether they can find a way to grow from it.
How do you do this? Here are a few steps I’ve used to cope with well-meaning criticism in a productive way:
Assuming the criticism is meant to help you, be sensitive to what the other person is feeling. It was probably very difficult for her to approach you and you will score major points by trying to make her more comfortable. There’s nothing wrong with telling her how you feel either. If the criticism isn’t justified, say so frankly without letting your emotions get the better of you. Remember that one individual’s opinion shouldn’t have the power to negatively impact your self-esteem.
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Thanks Alexandra, this is a good article that I can really stand to benefit from.
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This is excellent advice. As one who has delivered criticism (in what I hope is a constructive manner) and as one who has had varying degrees of success in reacting positively to criticism, I can say this checklist could have served as my talking points when giving the criticism and my mantra when receiving it. I think the most important point is "Depersonalize the Criticism. The reality is, your boss may deliver it with a personal tone--"You are not a self-starter"--but the fact is they don't know you beyond your work--they don't see inside your head.
Most executives have been coached not to deliver personal criticisms like that. But should they fail, you can still "restate the comments" without the personal barb. So "you are not a self-starter" could be restated as "what I heard was that you don't see evidence of initiative <b>in my work</b>".
As for "there's nothing wrong with telling her how you feel," I agree with that. But I would suggest it doesn't have to be instant feedback. Chances are that if this is out of the blue, and unfair criticism, your reaction might be better stated and phrased with some time to cool down or at least process the input. In my experience, a boss wants an immediate promise to improve, or at least acknowledgement of what has been said. So the follow-up suggested here could be delayed as follows:
Boss: Dagwood, you are unorganized and therefore unsuitable for the job you're doing.
Dagwood: So, just to clarify you think my work is unorganized.
Boss: That's right! It's a real problem
Dagwood: This feedback is important. I'd like a chance to think about this and meet with you to discuss it further.
This buys time to go through the five steps and still gives the boss some feedback that you've heard her ("This feedback is important") without necessarily agreeing. If the boss is already ticked, and you are going to disagree with her, it may be best to consider this response carefully. A delay of an hour or two is good. Sleeping on it is best. But too long of a delay could be harmful both personally if you stew on this, or professionally if the boss doesn't think you took the input seriously.
Again--great advice!
Heath and Chuck, thanks for your comments! And Heath, thanks for the very useful follow up. The real world example is great.