My friend Christine Hassler frequently talks about the concept of “expectation hangovers” in her books and lectures. Christine says that an expectation hangover occurs when we hold a certain expectation but things do not turn out as we thought they should or would have liked, and then they feel awful. Every day, people beat themselves up when they do not meet standards that were set up for them, or that they set up for themselves.
Prominent psychologists agree with Christine. According to Marvin Goldfried, when we hold on to a belief that something should or must happen, we set ourselves up for inevitable disappointment. In fact, much of our emotional turmoil is self-produced when we tell ourselves that our lives will be terrible if a certain expectation is not fulfilled. Recognize any of these?
…or all hell will break loose!
Here’s my advice: if you catch yourself thinking or saying the word should, go directly to jail and do not collect $200. Should often signals that you’re harboring an irrational expectation. As we’ve talked about, life does not always play out in a logical or fair way and you do yourself a grave disservice when you hold on to a fantasy of what work or people should be like. Got a bad case of negativity? Remember that all hell breaking loose is in the eye of the beholder and ask yourself if the world is really going to come to an end if things don’t go exactly as you planned. Instead of thinking that something should happen, reframe it as something you would like to happen. You’re still acknowledging your own opinions and preferences, but the element of expectation is gone so you can’t be disappointed.
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