An acquaintance of mine was looking for someone to clean her house once a month.  Because the safety of her home and her family is important to her, this woman held interviews in her home.  She asked the standard questions that one would think to ask a prospective housekeeper, but then she took it a step further.  Although this candidate had been cleaning homes professionally for the better part of 20 years, my friend asked her, as part of the interview, to sweep the kitchen floor and dust the countertops so she could judge the job.  The whole meeting took over two hours. 

It’s not a totally outrageous request, but no professional likes to have her competence on basic tasks called into question.  If my friend wanted to evaluate her work, she probably should have checked references and then hired her on a trial basis.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the candidate was a little annoyed about how this interview was conducted, but apparently she didn’t say anything.  My friend liked her a lot and thought she had done a great job cleaning, so she called her and offered her the job.  The candidate responded with a two-page, incredibly vitriolic e-mail about how neurotic and OCD my friend was, and how she’d rub burning hot coals in her eyes than work for this family.

Two things struck me about this situation. The first was that housekeepers, like the stereotype of mailpeople, can apparently be sociopaths.  Who writes an e-mail like that rather than just say “thanks but no thanks”?  The second?  Not only did my friend completely misjudge this woman’s character (she was ready to enthusiastically bring this nutjob into her home and trust her with her children and valuable possessions), but she also totally missed the negativity that the candidate obviously felt toward her during the interview. 

People don’t always say what they mean.  We must pay attention to the effect that we have on people, because in-person reactions can be subtle.  It’s not enough to take a person at face value.  We have to read nonverbal cues like facial expressions, how rigidly a person is standing, and whether they are avoiding eye contact.  If in doubt, we need to ask.  Their words might be communicating agreement, but the rest of them could be indicating something else.  It’s in our best interest to know exactly what that “something else” is.